a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
