so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
