Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
