and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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