I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
