Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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