I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
