what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
