I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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