Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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