Do vagina's smell?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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