It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
