how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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