one two three fourrrrnication!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
