just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
