I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
