apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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