There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
