He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
