Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
