Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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