and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
