It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
