better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
