My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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