I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
50% drunk capacity currently
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
