...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
