Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
