I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
