hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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