I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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