Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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