Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
