So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
