Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
