Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everyone says I win the strip club
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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