i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
