I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
