when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
