dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
