I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
