Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
wow bdsm is so cute
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
