Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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