Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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