The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
