i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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