Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
