Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
