"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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