When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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