I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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