Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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